I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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