that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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