He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
