He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
