Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
