there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You were trust falling into bushes
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
