On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize