i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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