you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
