I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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