You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize