worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
