He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
