I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
