wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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