I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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