totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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