So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
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You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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