wrigley field is MILF paradise
Do you still have your period?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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