no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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