So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
