maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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