just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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