i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
