id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
