how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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