In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
