my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
