she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
