i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
