PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
