Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
