i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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