He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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