I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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