32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
