My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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