If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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