I can text with my tongue
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
