first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
