So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
