You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My liver is preforming stress tests.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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