we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
