Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
