you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
