im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
