You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
