Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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