i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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