Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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