I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
