whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
