I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize