I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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