my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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