cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize