i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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