Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
